365QOD- Day1182

Motivational Conversations

"The core of her program(Dr. Wendy Slusser), however, involves communicating with kids in a style known as motivational interviewing.  Instead of dictating advice, doctors try to get patients to articulate by themselves how they can change their behavior.  A statement like 'You could ride your bike for an hour instead of sitting at the computer.' will never have the same impact as asking the child what activities they like to do and figuring out how to help them do those activities more often.  It's more time consuming, but the payoff is worth it."- Alice Park, Time article on Young Kids, Old Bodies

At this point in the year, most employees have gotten their yearly evaluation and their adjustments.  How many feel great about the process?  Well, probably the small minority that got higher raises this year than their counterparts.  How long does that good adjustment last?  I believe the effect of a great raise lasts about a month.  After that the grind gets in the way and you quickly forget about the few extra dollars in your check.

How is this related to the quote?

Well, having conversations with team members and employees is something that a leader needs to do more often than once a year.  However, I have had leaders who refused to meet with me regularly even though I was their direct report.  Sad.

This quote teaches a great strategy for improvement.  It spells out that to effectively change a behavior we must get the person doing the behavior to verbalize what change they will implement instead of us driving the change.  This gives the person power instead of it feeling like punishment.

Any reasonable change has to come from the inside.  It has to be intrinsically driven.  It can not be externally driven or it will only last a short time.  If it is external, the employee will satisfy the change request but the behavior will re-appear after a year.  The employee will go back on the "in trouble" list.

Motivational conversations are very important to team development.  It allows the team to self-evaluate their strengths and weaknesses and out loud voice what the team member will do for the benefit of the team.  They are more likely to fulfill the self imposed demand because they do not want to let the team down.  Very powerful!

Today's question is:
"Do you practice motivational conversations?"

365QOD- Day875

"I would have more money, if I would have a plan" - Jim Rohn's response

When his mentor questioned the lack of plan, Jim responded with this little comeback.  But then his mentor said, "If you have a plan, then you would have the money."

Why am I bringing this up?  It seems to me that often we want A then B to happen But in reality it is B then A.  It makes me wonder how often this is true.

A great example is whether action precedes motivation or does being motivated lead to action.  I believe that we must act and that then motivation will come.  It never works the other way around.

Today's question is:
"what is one if A then B scenario that could be completely wrong?"

365QOD- Day669

"The 30 second rule" - John Maxwell idea

I was listening to an audio book in my truck and heard the rule.  The 30 second rule is to compliment the person you are speaking with within the first 30 seconds of the conversation.  You are to search for something to compliment in the person.

How?  You are to do it one of three ways:
1. attention
2. appreciation
3. affirmation

Will it come off as phony?  It might if it is not genuine.  I do believe that it will have an effect on the people you come in contact with and especially the ones you lead.  It is worst testing to see the results you achieve.

Today's question is:
"Will you test the 30 second rule?"

365QOD-Day580

“For a long time, I thought motivation and inspiration were two words describing the same thing.  I no longer think that.  As I see it, motivation is a force that generates action because of the consequences if we don’t.  It may not have anything to do with genuine passion or enthusiasm.  Inspiration, on the other hand, is a call to creative action.  We act because we want to, not because we have to.”  – Barbara Winter , Making a Living Without a Job

In an earlier post I told a story how I once asked students to tell me what could keep them from being successful.  Half thought that laziness was keeping them from achieving more.  Other half thought that they were not motivated.  I often wondered if laziness and lack of motivation are not the one and same.

When I read this quote I can see that I did not consider how inspiration plays into this puzzle.  The call to action is what is missing.  I often find that by taking a step forward ,when I least want to, I am committed to keep moving towards a goal.  It might still take a lot of effort BUT at least I am moving towards the goal.

So do I need inspiration to take the first step?  I never really thought about it.  I believe if you wait for the inspiration then you might not take that step.  If you are inspired by something or someone then you will definitely take the first step.

Regardless, just take the first step.

Today’s question is:

“What inspires you to make yourself take that first step?”

365QOD-Day568

"As someone who’s quick to buck common conventions, I know that demolition isn’t hard; anyone can say that everything you’ve ever heard is wrong.  The trick is building something better in its place." - The Entrepreneur Equation by Carol Roth

I have a love-hate relationship with negative people.  They are good for finding what is wrong with your idea BUT often can not offer an alternative.

As Carol says it is easy to destroy people or ideas but the building up part is difficult.  An alternative can easily be offered BUT a better alternative is often hard to generate.

It is the idea of devil's advocate vs. angel investor I wrote about in the past.  The devil's advocate does a good job of demolition and finding faults.  The angel investor believes that the person is close to a solution and often leads the person to discover the missing ingredients of a better solution for themselves by posing questions.

Today's question is:

"Are you a builder or a demolitionist?"

365QOD-Day521

"Why are we so bad at anticipating the effects of our well-intentioned incentive plans?  The answer has to do with something that psychologists call a 'focusing illusion.' "- Daniel Kahneman and David Schkade

As a manager I have to believe that the incentives I provide for my employees are enough to move them towards action.  That is an extrinsic.  In other words they are externally motivated.  I am not a big believer in these types of incentives

A bonus is nice.  A lunch is nice.  BUT if internally (intrinsically) an employee does not believe in the mission then they will not accomplish it.  They will look for ways to get around the incentives.

I have found that my employee's passion has to be greater than mine in order for them to succeed.  How do you get them to have a greater passion than yours?  By giving them ownership and leadership.  Then praising them when needed and protecting them from attacks and accepting ownership for their mistakes.

Today's question is:
"Is your focus intrinsic or extrinsic?"

365QOD-Day494

"I got to blog about that" - a line from a McD commercial

There is a new commercial where two ladies, one young and white and another black and older, sitting next to each other at McDonald's.  The older lady asks what is that that you are eating.  The younger one says oatmeal with walnuts, blueberries, etc. 

The older lady says that in her days oatmeal was just oak and meal. Not this fancy stuff.
She then says that she has to blog about this.  A second later the young woman notices that the blog post goes viral. 

I love that commercial. 

To me the commercial brings up an important issue. What is worth talking about?  Or even better, what is worth writing a post?  I write on a lot of topics but it all boils down to my simple rule for me that is the QOD. 

Today's question is:
"Could you tell this as a story to someone, get them to learn something, pause to think about it, and inspire them to do something?"

365QOD-Day480

"The Opposite of Loneliness" - an article title by Marina Keegan

Today I read the article below.  It broke my heart.  A 22 year old woman who wrote it passed away in a car accident shortly after writing it. What a waste.

I believe that we are all given a certain amount of time to fulfill our quest.  We meet people along the way that touch our hearts and move us.  The rest just slide off of us. 

The sad part is that we never know when or if our quest will get completed.  All we can do is to work towards it.  We can however chose how we gently touch the people along the way.  I believe that this article and her story urges us to believe in a future but realize that the future is not guaranteed and it can be cut short rather quickly.

Today's question is:
"Will your quest be complete if it was interrupted today?"

The article can be found at:
http://www.yaledailynews.com/news/2012/may/27/keegan-opposite-loneliness/

KEEGAN: The Opposite of Loneliness

Marina Keegan '12. Photo by Facebook.

The piece below was written by Marina Keegan '12 for a special edition of the News distributed at the class of 2012's commencement exercises last week. Keegan died in a car accident on Saturday. She was 22.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life. What I’m grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I’m scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow and leave this place.

It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.

Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, tired, awake. We won’t have those next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a bunch of group-texts.

This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse – I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.

But let us get one thing straight: the best years of our lives are not behind us. They’re part of us and they are set for repetition as we grow up and move to New York and away from New York and wish we did or didn’t live in New York. I plan on having parties when I’m 30. I plan on having fun when I’m old. Any notion of THE BEST years comes from clichéd “should haves...” “if I’d...” “wish I’d...”

Of course, there are things we wished we did: our readings, that boy across the hall. We’re our own hardest critics and it’s easy to let ourselves down. Sleeping too late. Procrastinating. Cutting corners. More than once I’ve looked back on my High School self and thought: how did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our private insecurities follow us and will always follow us.

But the thing is, we’re all like that. Nobody wakes up when they want to. Nobody did all of their reading (except maybe the crazy people who win the prizes…) We have these impossibly high standards and we’ll probably never live up to our perfect fantasies of our future selves. But I feel like that’s okay.
We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it’s too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement.

When we came to Yale, there was this sense of possibility. This immense and indefinable potential energy – and it’s easy to feel like that’s slipped away. We never had to choose and suddenly we’ve had to. Some of us have focused ourselves. Some of us know exactly what we want and are on the path to get it; already going to med school, working at the perfect NGO, doing research. To you I say both congratulations and you suck.

For most of us, however, we’re somewhat lost in this sea of liberal arts. Not quite sure what road we’re on and whether we should have taken it. If only I had majored in biology…if only I’d gotten involved in journalism as a freshman…if only I’d thought to apply for this or for that…

What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.

In the heart of a winter Friday night my freshman year, I was dazed and confused when I got a call from my friends to meet them at EST EST EST. Dazedly and confusedly, I began trudging to SSS, probably the point on campus farthest away. Remarkably, it wasn’t until I arrived at the door that I questioned how and why exactly my friends were partying in Yale’s administrative building. Of course, they weren’t. But it was cold and my ID somehow worked so I went inside SSS to pull out my phone. It was quiet, the old wood creaking and the snow barely visible outside the stained glass. And I sat down. And I looked up. At this giant room I was in. At this place where thousands of people had sat before me. And alone, at night, in the middle of a New Haven storm, I felt so remarkably, unbelievably safe.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I’d say that’s how I feel at Yale. How I feel right now. Here. With all of you. In love, impressed, humbled, scared. And we don’t have to lose that.
We’re in this together, 2012. Let’s make something happen to this world.

365QOD- Day477

"Life sucks" - a post on my daughter's page

Recently I sent a Skype invite to talk to my daughter Stefani.  When she did not respond, I instant messaged her a question, "Why does life suck?"

Her response was "A particular person and math."  I can not help her with the person BUT I offered to help her with math.

Has she taken me up on it? No!

Maybe I suck at math.  I do not think that is true.

How good am I in math?   Well, I have had 5 math courses (Calculus and above) as an undergraduate, 4 for my Masters, and 2 for my doctoral work.  In addition, I have instructed college courses up to advanced Calculus.  I probably know more math than 99.99999% of the people on the planet.  That is not an exaggeration.

So why doesn't my daughter call and get help?  A very good question.  It could be just being prideful.  It could be just "too busy".  You know how busy teenagers get.  LOL

Today's question is:
"What keeps you from seeking qualified help when it is available?"

365QOD-Day359

"Challenges are what makes life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful"- Joshua J. Marine

I am training for a half marathon.  I try to run once during the week.  It is usually a short run of 7 miles or less. But on the weekends I try to push myself to do more than 10 miles. 

The other day I was in Virginia, I woke up at 6 a.m. and put my running shorts and shoes on.  It would have been so easy to stay in bed since I did not have my first meeting till 9.

I left the hotel and started down an unknown street.  There was a guy up ahead with a hood over his head.  He was walking.  I asked him if he was going to run.  He said that he was done.  I asked him to run with me and to my surprise he did.  We ran a few miles while talking. 

During the time we ran we talked about our lives and the run seemed so short.  He is at the same place I was two years ago, just starting to run.  It was up to me to nurture his pursuit.  I did and I hope he keeps up with it. 

The easy thing would have been to just keep quiet and continue to run without speaking. 

Today's question is:
"Did you nurture a stranger today?"

365QOD-Day344

"Make a conscious decision to look for what is right and pleasing in others. Create a new habit of complimenting those around you. Turn judgments into blessings."-Wayne Dyer

I am a bad social networker.  Besides posting to my Facebook page and twitter accounts, I don't spend enough time to read and write comments.  However, I did this morning and read this quote on Wayne Dyer's account.

It is amazing how it is easy to lift people up instead of tearing them apart.  I got in an elevator yesterday and when a couple came in I smiled and started a conversation.

The gentlemen had a nice bag.  It looked rugged and worn.  I complemented his bag.  The construction, the material, etc.  I can tell that he loved the bag.  He smiled.  I can tell that he felt proud of his bag choice.

I could have just as easily smiled and said nothing.

Today's question is:
"How will you lift people up today?(...chose your victims without much thought..)"

365QOD-Day335

"The top 1% owns 36% of all wealth"- Fortune Nov 7th 2011

This country has become very polarized.  The gap between poor and wealthy is getting bigger.  The media is constantly reporting this fact. What good does it do me to know that someone is getting richer or poorer?  I do not earn their income.  I do not know what they had to do to earn their income. 

What worries me is that people are focusing on the wealthy and not slamming the real crooks- the politicians.  How many of them were millionaires before they entered public service?  Probably only a few.  So how does a guy become a millionaire by being a public servant earning 175k a year and having to maintain two homes?  Very good question. 

Our founding fathers were statesmen.  We now have career politicians.  Founders expected people to give of themselves for a few years and go home.  They never envisioned an animal that loves to eat from the public troft for decades. 

By focusing on the rich or taxing them more it does not do the common man any good. Are there inequalities in the system?  Many!  US CEOs make 475 time the salary of the average worker.  
In Germany the ratio is 12 times. 
In Japan 11 times. 
In Britain 22 times. 
In Canada 20 times. 
So what is reasonable?  Venezuela 50 times or Mexico 47 times. No!

I think that every CEOs salary should be tied to the average pay.  Whatever the magic number is(I like 20) let the company decide.  So if the average salary is 50k then the CEO can make the most 1M.  No options, no extra perks. Keep it simple sweetheart!  If the CEO wants to raise their salary then they have to increase the salary of the average worker.  How do you do that?  Produce better and cheaper products. And do not allow a CEO of one company to serve on another board.  By being in bed with one another they have increased their salaries to 475 times the average salary of a worker($23.16 in US). 

Today's question is:
"In your world, what ratio is the right ratio?"

365QOD-Day265

"Am I bringing up a nutrient or an irritant?"- Today We Are Rich

We all have opinions.  When we see someone else having a problem we jump into solver mode and want to help.

There is nothing wrong with that if it is done properly.  The phrase above should be used as a pause.  Before offering advise ask yourself  whether the advise will serve as a nutrient to that person.  Will the advise make them stronger or wiser?

If not, then you are providing an irritant.  One that will simply upset the person and not help solve the problem.

Remember that being a "realist" is another way of playing a devil's advocate.  In an earlier post I urged you to instead be an angel adviser.  Ask the person if they see any difficulties up ahead.  Let them offer the solution that they will have to live with. 

Today's question is:
"Have you provided nutrients to your friends?"

365QOD-Day239

"What social networking revolution?"-my thought

One of my favorite writers is Malcolm Gladwell.  I am convinced that he can not tell a short story. He is very smart and I enjoy how he builds his articles and books. 

I recently went to his blog and downloaded some articles he had written for the New Yorker.  One of them was about social media vs. social activism.

It painted a clear picture of the difference between social activism of the 1960s and the social networking phenomenon of today.  Today the news people are singing the praises for social networking and their belief that it has had an effect on the Muslim world revolutions.

After reading the article, I came away with the conclusion that they have no clue.  At best the ease of connecting with many people does not provide a large social hurdle to jump over to become social activism.  It is just not possible.  The ties are weak vs. social activism's need for disciple and strong ties.

I do believe that social networks can reach many people quickly and effectively.  A product can be moved by word of mouth marketing.  BUT would you purchase a big screen TV if one of your friends thought it was good?

Today's question is:
"What are you willing to do that your friends think you should do?"

365QOD-Day211

"Behavior is motivation filtered through opportunity"- Clay Shirky

If you saw a person who moved your heart, would you not pursue them?   If you created an idea for a billion dollar product, would you not build it?

We often pursue opportunities that motivate us.  Often they have a reward tied to them.

Now this is where we have to be very strategic.  Just because opportunity B seems exciting does not mean we stop doing A.

I am often very guilty of this. I have about 15 book ideas that I am working on.  It took an effort to stop and focus on finishing my first book.  The excitement on working on the other ones was greater than the passion to finish the first one.

My motivation to finish the book was not financial.  My motivation was to get the result.  Now that my baby
has been born it would be so easy to give birth to another one and another one.  NO!  My baby needs to learn how to crawl, walk, and then run.

What does his mean for me?  Learning how to sell through social media.The motivation that is filtered though the opportunity is to re-brand myself as an author and a speaker.


Today's question is:
"What opportunities are you motivated to pursue?

365QOD-Day101

"Ok.. $10"- a friendly wager between Alex and I

Last year Alex, my barber, asked me a question, "You used to be a runner, right?"  He was wondering if I would run in a 5k race at a nearby town.  I said that I had not run in years but that I would think about it.

A few days later I holding a water bottle trotted down a path which measured 5k exactly.  I ran a little, walked a lot, and eventually came back home.

I was stiff for a few days.  When I told people that I had tried to run 5k without training they reminded me that that was silly. 

So I backed off a little and decided to start by running three quarter of a mile without stopping. Success.  Then I ran it again followed by a 1.5 mi run without stopping, and again. 

Eventually I got up to the 5k level and ran in my first race in years.  With the time of 33:59 I finished the race.  SUCCESS!

I continued running and eventually got to 10 mi.  Then a had a few setbacks with my knees that I had to back off a little.

I stopped running after Christmas till April 9th when I went out and ran 1.5 mi.  On April 16th I ran 2.25 and on April 23rd I ran a 5k.  A little in pain BUT still holding up.

I am a runner again.  Why did I ever stop?

My wager with Alex is that I will cut my time from 34 to 31 and he will cut his 27 minutes down to 24.
The winner takes the prize.

Today's question is:
"What were you once, and can become again?

365QOD-Day92

"'Once you get started on a task you will continue doing it. The key is to get started. Emotion comes from motion. Once motion occurs then the emotion will follow"

I once asked groups of students what is preventing them from being successful. They were asked to write it down on a piece of paper, fold it, and pass it up.   I did this for many groups.

The number one and two answers were:
1. I am lazy
2. I am not motivated

When I totaled the responses and read them out loud, I wondered whether they were one and the same.

In my own life I have noticed that once I get started I do get motivated to continue.  For me the secret is to "Just Start" and then you will "Just Do It!"

Today's question is:
"What is the first step you will take towards your goal?"

365QOD-Day59

"It is what it is, BUT it will become what you make it"- a sign in  a co-worker's office
A very true statement.  When people are confronted with reality they can chose to react in one of two ways: negative or positive. 

The negative person typically wonders why it is what it is and blames external factors.  The world is against them and the way it used to be was better than the current state.

The positive personal typically wonders why it is what it is and looks internally.  The person then asks what they can do to improve what it is into what they want it to be.

Often times the positive person will overcome the difficulty and move on whereas the negative person will get stuck in that moment.

Today's question is:
"Is your motivation external or internal?"