365QOD- Day634

“But Dad..” – a child’s whining words

Fifth thing to stop doing in order to be happier is to stop Whining.  We all whine at one time or another when we don’t get what we want.

The whining stems from not liking a result that is to occur.  The best advice I can offer is to accept the result and ask yourself how to make it a little better.  That small nudge can go a long way.

Last year I wanted a single vendor to do a lot of work for me during a major outage.  Well, I whined and whined and still could not get my way.  Once I decided to make it a little better I accepted that my best option was to divide the work amongst several vendors.  THANK God I did not get my way because the original vendor could not do all of the work I needed done and would have left me in a very bad situation. 

Today’s question is:

“Could a small nudge away from the undesired result change it for better?”

365QOD- Day633

“Wait… BUT… “ – a person who is not listening

Fourth thing we need to stop doing in order to be happier is Interrupting.  

We all want to be heard.  If however you are ready with a response then you are not truly listening.

I am guilty of this some times.  The reason I believe we do this is the belief that our point negates the point the other person is making.  In a sense we are trying to top them.

We have to remember that we know what we know BUT we do not know what the other person knows.  It is amazing how much one’s listening improves when we expect to learn something from the other person.  Perk up your ears and get smarter.  They know what you do not know.

As Covey urged us, first seek to understand before you are understood.

Today’s question is:

“Do you believe that other people hold important information for you?”

365QOD- Day632

“I can’t live without you” – an overstatement

In order to be happier the third thing to stop is Clinging.   

Why do we cling on to people and things?  It is something or someone we know.  It takes a willingness to accept the coming change to move towards it.  

But what if the things we hold onto are not particularly good for us?  We just cling because we know them.  It is fear and/or insecurity.  Fear and insecurity are not happiness.  The absence of these leads to happiness.

Let go of clinging in order to experience new things and people.

Today’s question is:

“Do you cling on to thing for too long?”

365QOD- Day631

“Wow, that is impressive!” – a comment that makes one feel good

The second thing we need to stop doing in order to be happier is to stop Impressing people.  You are not the job, the place you live, the car you drive, the possessions you have.  You are you.

Unfortunately most people do not know how to “Do You”.  They always want what others have and believe that once they have that one external gratification their world will be complete. 

I believe that no one thing can improve my life and that impressing people is very shallow.  By understanding me I should be able to make better decisions in my life than trying to impress someone else that might not even like me in the first place.

Work on yourself and work on the tasks in front of you to the best of your ability.  Control the NOW by being present and you will never feel the need to impress others.

Today’s question is:

“How do you control the now?”

365QOD- Day630

“It is not my fault” – commonly heard

I recently read an article in Inc. called Be Happier: 10 Things to Stop Doing Right Now.   I would like to over time discuss each of these.

In order to be happier, the first thing to stop doing is Blaming.   By blaming others you are giving away control.  You can not change your situation if someone else is to blame for it.  It seems obvious but it is so easy to blame our problems on someone else.

I remember asking my son Milan, when he was little(7-8), to stand in front of me and to make a very angry face.  He did.  Then I asked him if he could smile like I gave him a $100 bill.  He did.  Lastly, I asked him who had made him make the angry or happy face.  His answer was that he made those. 

So if a small child can conclude that why is that as adults we have a problem with simply taking responsibility and creating a plan to improve a situation.

Notice the R and P words: responsibility and plan. 

Today’s question is:

“Can you handle the R and P?”

365QOD- Day629

 “ Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength. ” -  Ralph W. Sockman

I have talked about treating people at different levels equally.  I believe this because this is the only way for power not to get to your head.

I currently support two different plants and make it a point to say hello to all of the designers that work on projects related to my groups.  If I do a field walk and someone had done something great I personally walk over to that person and make a comment about their success.

The other day one of the senior designers with over 35+ years of experience stopped by my office to tell me thanks.  He said that I was the first Manager to make specific comments on their work and to stop by and talk with them like human beings.  In the past they felt distant and ignored.

Amazing how a small bit of conversation has an effect on people.

Today’s question is:

“Are you showing your strength through gentleness?”

365QOD- Day628

“Try something new for 30 days”- Matt Cutts’ TED speech

I watched this 3 minute speech and had to re-watch it.  Wow! So full of energy and thoughtful information.

Matt Cutts runs 30 day challenges.  In these challenges to himself he either adds something new he has not done or deletes something that he wants to do without. 

Silly as it may sound these challenges have led him to do some very interesting challenges: give up sugar, bike to work, take a picture each day, climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, etc.

I often ask myself “Why not me?”  What is it that I can add or delete for a month? I got to come up with a list of 12 challenges for next year.  Next year will be the year of the challenge.  It will start in November because I try to start my new habits earlier than Jan 1.

Today’s question is:

“What can you add or delete for a month?”

365QOD- Day627

"I want to change the world but they won't give me the source code"- t-shirt slogan

This funny t-shirt was on a participant to a programming camp.  It made me think about how we often  want to change the system.  BUT wanting and being able to are two different things.

So how does one change the system?  As the shirt says,"...you must have the source code."  To programmers having access to the source code is a gold mine.  You can manipulate it into what the desired output should look like.  You can get rid of any un-wanted bugs.

Changing anything without having access is impossible.  This is true for systems, people, or one self. Ultimately the only thing we can change is ourselves.

Today's question is:
"What source code are you missing?"

365QOD- Day626

"Plenty of companies are a religion, where people take their cues from the top.  Intuit is a science lab, where anything can be tested and proven incorrect. 'When you have only one test, you don't have entrepreneurs; you have politicians.  When you have lots of ideas you have entrepreneurs'"-Scott Cook

I recently read an article in Inc. magazine on Intuit. It was called the 30-Year-Old Start-up.  It talked about how Intuit's culture encourages entrepreneurship.  They encourage the behavior of a start-up: fast-moving, embracing uncertainty, continuously learning.  They follow Ries' Lean Startup definition of a start-up: 'a human institution designed to create a new product or service under conditions of extreme uncertainty'.

This behavior has led them to develop new products at a faster rate than their competition.

Today's question is:
"How comfortable are you with uncertainty?"

365QOD- Day625

"it is in here" - Tommy's urging

Last weekend I got into a conversation with Tommy about being religious vs. spiritual.  I threw out my favorite Wayne Dyer line about us being spiritual beings having a physical experience and NOT physical beings having a spiritual experience.  He flipped open a book to a passage and told me to read it.  It was about how heaven is within us.

After I read the passage I flipped to the cover of the book and I immediately recognized it as The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.  Several years ago I picked up the book and started reading it but it just did not click with me.  Amazingly the passage I read was exactly what I was espousing but told as a parable.

Amazing!  Something that did not click with me several years ago immediately clicked with me.  Why?  Maybe I have grown up and see the world differently.  I immediately borrowed the book.  I wonder what else I click with now that I did not with in the past?

Today's question is:
"What is something with which you did not click BUT today might find a perfect fit?"

365QOD- Day624

"Hum..$9 paper bike"- interesting idea

I recently read a story in fast company about a $9 paper bike.  Brilliant idea that could hold a 400+ lb. person.

Even thought the article was very cool, what also caught my eye was one of the comments:
"..This guy isn't giving away 3 years of work to 'change the world'..he's obviously very wealthy by now.  It seems like people are ashamed to admit they made more money from a few years brilliant work than most clock punchers would make in 100 lifetimes.  PC bullshit if you ask me..have some pride in your genius."-Osama

Why should one be ashamed that a few brilliant years would make someone wealthy?  I believe we have started to demonize the 'brilliant' work that people can do that leads to incredible wealth.  To me it is no different than an athlete making money for their sport ability.  As a matter of fact it is better. Most often these brilliant ideas lead to employment for others.  Most athletes blow their riches away in a short time and do not usually employ anyone.

Today's question is:
"Are you proud of your genius?"

365QOD- Day623

"What determines whether people see a glass as half full or half empty is mood rather than fact, and a change in mood often defies quantification.  But it is not exotic.  It is concrete.  It can be defined.  It can be tested.  And it can be exploited for innovation opportunity"- Inventor's Cookbook by Steven Johnson

I always that that it is not the glass that is half-full or half-empty but just not big enough.  Why?  Because I know for a fact that there is always a glass bigger than the one I currently own.

Consider a car.  I have a mid size SUV.  There exist larger more powerful SUVs.  I have a back back that fits my laptop and a couple of books.  I used to have one that could fit two laptops.  And so on..

So how do you move people towards the innovation opportunity?  By getting them to understand that the opportunity is worth exploiting and pursuing.  We happen to live during a stretch of time when the exploration of new ideas is very in-expensive.  Unless you are going to build a large business you can make your idea 'concrete', test it, and prove to yourself that it is worthwhile to continue with exploiting it.

I do believe that the size of the economic pie is infinite.  I do not have to take from others to get my share.

Today's question is:
"How full is your glass?"

365QOD- Day622

"The purpose of life is to disperse energy"- Scott D. Sampson

I am a believer that in life our joy is tried directly to our energy.  What I put my energy towards either re-charges or depletes me.

If I need to change the happiness level of my day, I simply need to write a post or two and the day magically gets better.  Why?  Because creativity is the primary way I experience joy.

If I find that people are draining me, then I need to step away from everyone and experience joy by myself.
Then I can go back and spend time with others and re-charge them.

Today's question is:
"What re-charges you?"

365QOD- Day621

"The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies, to chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth, to see their near and dear bathed in tears, to ride their horses and to sleep on the bellies of their wives and daughters." - Genghis Khan

How brutal!  According to our modern standards Genghis is a monster.  He took no prisoners.  The losers were completely destroyed.

I remember teaching martial arts for years and one of the ideas we tried to get the students to do is to pull their punches back and not to hurt their opponent.  This was done to insure no one got hurt and that the opponent would be willing to engage in battle again.  We even had rules such as: do not hit in the face.

So what did I do at times when I spared with others?  Punched my opponent in the face with minimal force.  The stunned look allowed the opponent to realize that at times the rules must be broken.  In a street fight if you pulled your punches back, you will end up being the loser.

Today's question is:
"How brutal can you be towards your enemies?"

365QOD- Day620

"In the best Talmudic tradition of arguing a position as forcefully as possible and then switching sides, let me now present the case of discouraging certain lines of intellectual inquiry" - What is Your Dangerous Idea? book

Wow!  I wonder how that would work.  To forcefully argue your idea BUT then switch sides and argue for the opposite side with just as much rigor.

Could you do it with all of your heart being in it?  I believe that if our politicians did this then they would agree to middle ground much easier.

Would this work in relationships? Work?  I think it is so powerful that it is a game-changer.  You just have to find willing opponents.

Today's question is:
"Could you argue both sides with equal rigor"

365QOD- Day619

"If an idea is really false, only by examining it openly can we determine that it is false.  AT that point we will be better position to convince others that it is false than if we had let it fester in private, since our own avoidance of the issue serves as a tacit acknowledgement that it may be true.  And if an idea is true, we had better accommodate our moral sensibilities to it, since no good can come from sanctifying a delusion" - What is Your Dangerous Idea book

What percentage of your ideas are false but yet you believe them to be true?  I would venture to guess that at least one third of what I believe it is completely wrong.  Can you honestly say that you agree with all of the ideas that your parents tried to install in your brain?

So if a certain percentage is wrong and you are big enough to recognize that then what do you do about it?  It is not like you can go back and re-program yourself.  You can but only over time.  How? Keep putting in new ideas and challenge old ones with the belief that they must be wrong.

It is pretty scary but as the last part of the quote indicates,'..no good can come from sanctifying a delusion'.

Today's question is:
"What percentage of your ideas are false but yet you believe them to be true?" 

365QOD- Day618

"..gather the hundred most brilliant minds in the world together in a room, lock them in, and 'have them ask each other the questions they were asking themselves.'- What is your Dangerous Idea book

Imagine having a group of very smart people from different fields with which you can sit around and solve all of the world's problems.  This is pretty close to the experiences I had sitting around in a park in Chicago for the last few years.  Man I miss that.

I have been unable to find an equivalent group in Texas.  I am sure that there are places in Houston which are frequented by groups with which you can discuss ideas instead of people.  That is what I miss - the ideas.

Today's question is:
"How do you find a group with which you can discuss ideas instead of people?"

365QOD- Day617

"What makes an idea 'dangerous'? One factor is an imaginable train of events in which acceptance of the idea could lead to an outcome that only recently has been recognized as harmful' - What is your Dangerous Idea book

I have read a part of this book.  It is based on edge.org collection of essays on the topic of what makes an idea dangerous.

I believe that we tend to live very boring lives.  We tend to settle way too much.  Rarely do we just rock the boat because we are afraid we will not like the results.

BUT so what?  Does being afraid take away the fear?  No it does not.  In my experience the only way to get rid of a fear is to move towards it.  The feeling of comfort might never come BUT your fear will be removed.
In an early post I talked about how I used this idea to eliminate the fear of getting in front of large groups.

I think that we need to entertain more dangerous ideas and get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Today's question is:
"What is your dangerous idea?"

365QOD- Day616

"Scary focus" - my words

Have you ever met people along your life journey that seem to know exactly where they are going?  I have met a few.  One of them is my own daughter.

In fifth grade she came home and told me that she was going to high school.  Not just any high school but one on the east coast.  She said that it was an awesome high school and that it was a feeder school for Yale.
I said good for you and dismissed it.

Then towards the end of her eight grade she came home and said that she was going to an interview to apply to the school that she wanted to go to.  My ears perked up.

She not only got in but got a scholarship.  My 14 year old baby left home and went to boarding school.  God bless her.

So when she told me last spring that she was going to live in China for a year.  I realized that my 16 year old was going to be in China for a year.  With a focus that is on the scary focus scale 100 I have no doubt that she already has another long term goal in the plan.

At times I wish I was more focused like Stefani.  I tend to focus more on short term goals vs. her long term scary focus goals.  Maybe I need to learn from my own daughter?

Today's question is:
"Do you have scary focus?"

365QOD- Day615

"Money can not buy class but it can buy you #$%" - Real Wives of Miami

Money is a great lubricator.  It can make one's life smooth.  It can make you invincible.  But it could also lead to a great big fall.  The fall is often due to believing that you are better than others.  Leading you to believe that you can not fail.  Then WHAM! You get knocked down.

So how can one prevent this from happening? Periodically take a look at your traits.  Brutally take a look at them and see if they are serving you or you them.  If you get in a habit of doing this then when you get to a new level in pay you will not change.

I am a firm believer in treating everyone as if they matter.  The cleaning ladies that come in at the end of the day are just as important as others.  Everyone has their job.  Trust me that if the grabage does not get picked up for one day I know it.

Today's question is:
"Are your traits serving you or you them?"

365QOD- Day614

"Before your hands can learn how, your heart must learn how" - Edna Adan Somalia midwife teacher

I watched a story on PBS the other day that broke my heart.  It was a story about how young girls around the world abused physically through female genetilia mutilation(FGM), prostitution, etc. It was hard to watch and after one half hour I had to turn the channel. 

In the story about FGM older muslim women in Africa take multiple girls in a room where they cut their labias and clitorus.  Then they saw them back and leave an eraser size hole.  The young girls legs are tied and they are left in a hut for a week to urinate and shit on themselves.  (Edna was a women who was fighting against this practice. )

When the little girls grow up they never enjoy sex because their organs are deformed.  During birth they rip because the muscles are not elastic and often die at a higher rate than women around the world. Pretty sick.

What benefit do the men get?  They have control.  Without performing the mutilation they are controlling the women.  Sick!

I might seem judgemental but I am sad.  The same mutilation occurs all over the world to little boys when they are circumsized upon birth and no one is protesting.  Just as sick!

Today's question is:
"What disturbs you?" 

365QOD- Day613

"Your adversary is your advantage" - hard thing to believe

During my younger working years I had many people around me that picked on me.  I used to walk in the morning meeting and get picked on for what seemed like an hour by the senior employees.

This 'pick on' Robert went on for three years until I started walking in and picking on everybody else.  Amazingly the picking on me stopped.  Their job was done.

Looking back the old guys were doing me a favor.  They were my adversaries in that situation and improved the quickness of my response time.  I no longer had to sit there and formulate a response.  The response was almost instantaneous.  This ability has served me well.  I can respond without seeming to react.

Today's question is:
"Have your adversaries ever done you a favor?"

365QOD- Day612

"I am grateful for the journey I took" - Angela Rye on CSPAN

I love this statement.  How many of us could make it?  Often we focus on one area of our life that is currently going wrong instead of looking at all of the pieces in our lives that are going well. 

I believe that being able to stand back and look at the total journey is a very powerful thing to do.  Take a piece of paper and map our your life journey from the beginning till now.  There will be valleys and hills.  But one thing I can guarantee you is that often the biggest peaks came after the lowest points in your life. 

Why? I do not know but I do know that it does hold true for my life.  Have I enjoyed the journey?  Would I change anything?  Maybe a few tweeks along the way would have made the journey smoother. BUT the big question is would I be the person I am today if I had taken those?  For me the answer is no.

Today's question is:
"If you eliminated the large mistakes in your life, would you be a better than the person you are today?"

365QOD- Day611

"Those who live passionately teach us to love, those who love passionately teach us to live" - Ayad Bdeir Little Bits Building Blocks article

I am a believer that if we do something we should do it with passion or not do it.  When I find myself having a bad attitude I realize that I am using passion the wrong way.  The energy to fight it is taking energy away from me and wasting it.

The reality is that the only thing we can control is our attitude.  We can not control other people or their attitudes.  Maybe if we are lucky we can influence them through our attitude BUT it might not change them.

Change is an insight job.  The best we can do is change ourselves.  So if you feel your passion is being used negatively, give yourself a talking to and consider the waste of energy.  If we are to live our lives to their fullest we must love and live passionately.  Life seems to flow so much smoother that way.

Today's question is:
"Do you live your life full of love and passion?

365QOD- Day610

"what did you say?" - my question to my barber

Some of the most interesting conversations that I have been involved in have taken place in barber shops.  Friday when I was getting a haircut was no different.

Several people came in and we worked on solving the world's problems.  I eventually disconnected and started looking through a magazine.  Then I heard it...

The conversation between the barber and the client invoved the idea of a thought.  How does one know that they are having a thought.  I immediately thought about what makes a thought a thought.

In my doctoral work I worked with artificial neural networks(ANN).  The idea is to create an artificial brain(software) and train it using input output pairs until the pattern matching error is minimal.  The network goes back and forth until the error between what it outputs and what is actual is minimized.  This is kind of like you seeing enough examples of some idea until the idea registers. 

Then the ANN is exposed to new inputs which it has never seen but for which the outputs are known and the performance of the ANN can be determined. This is like you testing yourself to see if you actually understand the idea by actually trying to solve a problem that involves the concept.

It all boils down to how representative the original input output pairs are to the test data.  The closer the better the ANN will perform.  Same for humans.   If we attempt something outside of what we have learned then our success is reduced.

But the idea of what makes thought thought is different.  You have done the training and you feel that you understand a concept.  So how do you get that original thought? I believe that once we have the pattern we must be exposed to a mutation in our thought process in order to come up with some new thought.  The spark is initiated by exposing yourself to other ideas.

Today's question is
"How do you get that thought spark?'

365QOD-Day609

"To live is to give" - Rachel on Today show

I watched Today's show this Saturday morning and they featured Rachel.  She had been in an accident and suffered an internal "almost" de-capitation (her head was almost severed from her spinal cord).

What was amazing about the story was the recovery effort.  She spends 8 hours a day M-TH in physical therapy.  Having undergone physical therapy in the past, I found that extreme amount hard to believe BUT then her recovery was impressive.  I have seen many who could not even handle one hour of therapy.  Most of them lost the hope of recovering to their previous level.

Today's question is:
"Would you be willing to invest 8 hours a day to recover from a losing position?"

P.S. THANKS to my favorite physical therapist Helen who has 'fixed' me in the past.

365QOD-Day608

"Interesting strategy"- Mike's response

I work in two plants and when I went to my second office I re-told Scott's story to Mike.  He is a good golfer who is trying to better his game and achieve greatness. 

We sat there and parsed Scott's strategy and then I asked Mike, "what is the minimal set of clubs one needs to play a game?"  The conclusion was a wedge, #5, and #8 iron.  Once one masters the stroke strength (low, medium, and high) on one particular club then these three clubs would allow a good golfer to play the game effectively.  I argued for a putter.

The club choices provided a decent range once combined with the stroke strength.  The wedge allowed one to get out of hazzards and use the edge for putting.  It was an interesting thought experiment.

Today's question is:
"What is the minimum set of tools you need for job?"

365QOD-Day607

"...So how did you get so great at golf?" - Ray's question

The other day I was having lunch with a bunch of co-workers and vendors.  The subject of golf came up and one of the vendors asked that question of his employee. 

The employee, Scott who is in low 70s golfer, without thinking about it said that he had a property with a lot of land behind it.  Once he decided to learn how to play golf he started by picking out a club and every day for a year hitting 75 golf balls.  This was before he ever played. 

I have not been able to get this out of my mind.  By picking a particular club he forced himself to "master" it without having to master all of the clubs.  He followed up the advice by saying that once you master a single club then other clubs fall into place.

In other words, Scott had focused on the practice, the plateau, that eventually when he started playing golf on courses his learning curve was exponential.
 
Today's question is:
"Have you ever taken a part of your game and focus on it solely until you obtain mastery?" 

365QOD- Day606

"Dis-connected" - title of a Sunday Morning story

The story I watched this morning was very informative.  It talked about how with smart phones we are tending to text more and communicate less.  We tend to spend more time looking down at a screen and less time communicating with the people next to us.

The world we live in is changing drastically fast.  The communication models we used before are changing and at times might not serve us.  Who would have thought that Twitter will survive and throve?  I believe that we tend to get information is very small bytes.

If my theory is correct then someone will publish a book one paragraph at a time.  Hum?  Yup, if you can write it in a byte sizes and make those irresistable then you will succeed.  I do believe it will be tough to pull it off.

One other part of the story that was disturbing was that 70% of people could not stop using their smart phone for one day.  One day!  We are addicted and without the phone we will feel disconnected.  So we want to connect to people by disconnecting from them through a device. 

Today's question is:
"Could you do without your smart phone for a day, a week, a month?"

The story can be found at
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57523072/texting-can-we-pull-the-plug-on-our-obsession/?tag=showDoorLeadStoriesAreaMain;SunMoLeadHero

365QOD- Day605

“Great opportunities come to all but many do not know they have met them.  The only preparation to take advantage of them is to simple fidelity to what each day brings”- A.E. Dunning

The two words ‘simple fidelity’ caught my eye.  What do they mean?  I understood them to mean that we must focus our attention on each day and the opportunities that they bring.  Prepare and take advantage of the opportunities in front of us in order to prepare for great opportunities in the future. 

As the old adage instructs, it is best to be prepared for an opportunity before it shows up then to have an opportunity show up and not be prepared.

Today’s question is:

“How are you preparing and taking advantage of your current opportunities?”

365QOD- Day604

“I wanted to be X”… long story. I listened for several minutes and then asked, “What did you do instead”.. I labored, he quietly mumbled.  My advice would not have mattered.  Long ago he had accepted a life without his dream. – Unknown

When we are young we create dreams of achieving X. We nurture the dream and believe in our hearts that we will accomplish it.  Somewhere along the way most people just give up on their dream and start following an alternative.  In other words they settle.

There could be a million reasons for people settling.  I believe that people might fail at some things and they often extrapolate those little failures into believing that they will fail at their big dream.  So in order not to fail in their dream, they just replace the challenging and worthwhile goal with an easily achievable and non-challenging goal.

Imagine a negotiation in which two parties are trying to agree on a price for an item.  Lets call the item BLUE.  I feel that BLUE is worth $100 but you feel that the true value is $50.  I state my desire for $100 and you laugh in my face and explain that 50 dollars is a better estimate of the BLUE worth.    Suppose we go back and forth and I eventually settle for $56.  It is closer to your prediction so I feel beaten.  My belief is crushed.  I no longer feel that my future estimates are as good as yours.  No one forced me to take your estimate but I settled.

This scenario is very typical of salary negotiations.  The salary is a “settlement” with which both sides agree to follow.    But once you settle for working for X it is very difficult to demand a much higher Y.  The employer knows you settled and they are expecting you to settle in the future.

Today’s question is:

“How do you keep negotiating without settling for a lower value?”